A curious habit, denoting the purchase date inside every pair of shoes, might be regarded as an untreated obsessive-compulsive disorder by some. Having done this regularly for fifty years, I find the data to be both interesting and informative, and therefore offer no excuse. What might require psychiatric evaluation is the need for women to own fifty pair or more when men easily shuffle through life with less than ten. Few men, if any, have a poster of Imelda Marcos hidden in their closet behind the girlie mags. Her husband Ferdinand, the now deceased despot of the Phillipines, probably slept in a separate bedroom located adjacent to Imelda’s shoe warehouse. I digress.
This morning, in preparation for the Vintage Trailer Jam, July 11-14, in Saratoga Springs, NY, I discovered my aging boat shoes, a suitable accessory for the casual weekend activity anticipated. This event is the result of a scheme developed by, and for the purpose of privacy to the innocent, a person who will be referred to only as, Rich Luhr. Because that is his name. Conceived as a showcase for aged trailers, frivolity and borderline lewd behavior, in the form of ukelele pollution, are certain to be highlights of the weekend. Think Woodstock for the Elderly. Or worse. Do you remember Arthur Godfrey and his beloved Hawaiian songstress, Haleloke ? A performance by her image, in drag, dressed in one of those bizarre pineapple shirts, may be on tap. 
HALELOKE in 1952
Forget the popular vintage collectibles, i.e., wine, cars, clothing, trailers, yada, yada; an event this important requires vintage shoes. I have selected the non-slip sole, tan, two-eyelet version by Bass, purchased on May 20, 1987. Not the upscale Sperry Topsiders, favorite brand of the erudite East Coast, blue-blazer, white-trouser snobs who actually have boat(s). 
The magic of ElMarko, 21 years ago
In its dormant state, unlike a long ago, opened jar of preserves that disavows the meaning of preservation, an old trailer and an old pair of shoes need to “jam”. Or so we have been led to believe. So Lynn, dog Jack, and I will be there to report the activities in Saratoga, like that popular news channel…..unfair and unbalanced. Be assured your BS polygraph will be chirping like a nine volt smoke detector or that neighborhood garbage truck driving in reverse, but the shoes are real. 
Pointed southeast, from DeTour to Saratoga
Ha! So you are coming! That’s great, because I just learned a new ukulele song for you … and I have my Hawaiian shirts ready. (And no, I don’t write down the date I bought them.)
Regarding your choice of shoes…
To be considered vintage, a unit must be at least 25 years old.
Your Bass shoes, purchased 21 years ago, appear to not meet our requirements, unless, perhaps they were already four years old when purchased at a thrift store.
But, if you have another vintage unit, say a ukulele or pineapple shirt that is at least 25 years old, we will be happy to assign you to one of our 80 vintage sites, and give you a front row seat to our ukulele jam.
Thank you,
Vintage Standards Committee
Foiled again….if only the vintage committee will lower their
standards to floor level. Our trump card, my vintage wife, often affectionately referred to as “The Unit”, turned 60 yesterday.
And according to Mr. Doyle,
‘a unit must be at least 25 years old.’
Our Vintage Standards Committee has reviewed your most recent submission.
We are very pleased to inform you that your fastidious efforts to document significant dates, along with your 30 years of pharmaceutical experience (with attention to expiration dates) has assured us that your “unit†does indeed qualify you for at least a front row seat at our ukulele jam.
We cordially send our belated “Happy Birthday†wishes to Lynn, and trust that all, including Jack, will have a howling good time.
Thank you,
Vintage Standards Committee
(pending review of the Executive Committee)