5 y/o Korean golfer, LPGA at standstill

Confidential to David Feherty:

A young female, born in 2008, residing in the Seoul suburb of Nanyangju is contemplating departure from amateur status based upon her recent acceptance to the David Leadbetter Academy, pre-school kindergarten program.

Her parents (father an interventional radiologist, mother a pediatric cardiac surgeon), and the daughter’s name have been withheld based on advice of counsel.  A carefully planned leak from an anonymous source divulged her identity, Phee Nom.  Phee currently plays to a 4 handicap.  The family intends to move to Bradenton, FL, pending passport approval, green card acquisition, medical license reciprocation, finalization of an agent contract with IMG, and receiving title to the ‘Hello Miss Kitty” Ferrari (lo-res photo attached).



The contentious issue; Phee’s demand that the world’s foremost physical trainer, Zhao Hanhua, Chinese gymnastics coach (Beijing Olympics, 2008) of the Wuhan Institute of Physical Education be retained full-time and also relocated to FL.

Preliminary sponsorship negotiations, not yet revealed, have been initiated with representatives from Nike® and Rolex®.   Other corporate entities are being wait-listed on a lottery basis.  The player is also seeking a permanent director seat on the board of the Annika® Academy.  Phee will limit her schedule to 15 events per year through graduation from the 6th grade, Harvard-approved, primary school, according to the PTA, professional tutors association.


An internet rumor that Phee is involved in a clandestine relationship with 4 y/o Charlie Axel Woods, Tiger Wood’s son, was addressed with this terse, six-word, denial, ” I do not date younger men”.



Her future plans, assuming the stodgy LPGA board of governors voids its discriminatory ageist policy, is to complete her LPGA career by age 13, or the onset of menarche, whichever comes sooner.  By 2021, she will likely have accumulated the requisite 35 victories/points to qualify for the LPGA hall of fame, at which time she will retire and join the PGA Tour on a full time basis.  The invitation to her inaugural event, The 2021 Masters tournament, will soon be issued by former tournament chairman, lovable southerner, Wm. “Hootie” Johnson.

Cross-licensing between her favorite charity (Susan Komen’s Race for the Cure©), Mattel®, Hasbro®, and Disney©, are on hold until she actually develops breasts.

Above, Phee, at her first photo shoot for Abercrombie and Fitch®


Thoughts while shaving…..

A tattered front page section of the Chicago Tribune, dated Monday, April 10, 2000, has served to collect the clippings from a personal bi-monthly trim for 13 years.  This gesture to preserve marital harmony, a ritual of personal hygiene, is for a wife ambivalent about rings: a ring around the bathroom bowl is not o.k.; a ring of the telephone, a nuisance; a diamond ring, well, you understand,….size and clarity do matter.

Lead stories that day; Vijay Singh in his new green Masters jacket and acting AG, Janet Reno, avows the reuniting of 6 y/o Elian Gonzalez with his father in Cuba.

220px-InselianArmed US Marshal forcibly removing kid from Miami relative

It also marked the 84th birthday of my mother, Florence, who had sadly passed away three years prior.  She was a dreadful cook, a world class leader applying guilt on her three sons, and an advocate for both responsibility & independence (translation : ‘do it yourself’).  Although many years have passed, we still recall fondly the little things, unanticipated, unheralded, that she did for us when we needed it most.  Define motherhood.

On a recent drive through the tired and dusty town, Florence, AZ , two photos triggered memories.

The local rag, the Reminder, as in, "Charles, do your homework"
The local rag, the Florence  Reminder, as in, “Boys, do your homework”


The same Rexall sign, circa 1948, as our first drugstore
The same Rexall sign, circa 1948, as our first drugstore


The ratty double page centerfold in the World’s Greatest Newspaper is a reminder of why I chose to leave industry and embark on a career as a small town pharmacist.

DSCN0224Extolling the virtues of Vioxx in 2000, long before the manufacturer, Merck, withdrew the drug after disclosures that it withheld information about rofecoxib’s risks from doctors and patients for over five years, resulting in between 88,000 and 140,000 cases of serious heart disease.  Worse, by the time it was discontinued in 2004, it had already caused an estimated 60,000 deaths worldwide.

Although no one in the company ever had to face criminal charges or do hard time, the decision by marketing executives and accounting was quite simple; having sold $ 2.7 billion of Vioxx, the math was easy.  The cost of litigation, executed by our superb, in-place, legal department, is far less than the profitability gained if we continue killing patients rather than removing the drug from the market.  Clever bastards. Define greed.

DSCN0227 Yes, but what if you’re at room temperature, six feet below the earth’s surface ?

Little has changed in thirteen years, as the aptly named BigPharma continues their cabal, possessing the morality and ethics equal to (actually, worse than) the tobacco industry.  Vijay Singh will tee it up in Augusta tomorrow.  I still harbor shame and embarrassment, 45 years later, that I was ever employed by a major drug company.  The hairy stubble will still need trimming every two weeks.  Florence was right nearly all the time; none of her boys are under indictment, incarcerated, facing felony warrants, or on public assistance.  Yet.  If you ignore Social Security.

No doubt what has changed.  Elian is now 19 y/o, we still share the same birthdate, December 7th, albeit 54 years apart, and he’s probably tattooed and driving around Havana chasing skirts and drinking Corona.  Tipo con suerte = lucky guy