In a quest for journalistic authenticity, I have attempted to enlist two popular travel authorities to assist in the coverage of the upcoming Vintage Trailer Jam , an inaugural event with geoglobal interest.
First, the popular Rick Steves, author of Europe Through the Back Door, one of those fictitious how-to books that fantasizes a vacation on $5/day when we know it costs three euros just to use the toilet. 
Rick, pictured here, is in Bosnia/Hercegovina and somehow feels that filming Sarajevo trumps Saratoga. His e-mails to me are almost always curt, terse, and monosyllabic, and today’s was not an exception. When asked if he and his production company would have any interest in dozens of aged trailers filmed in a park like setting with the Adirondack background , the answer required a mere one-thirteenth of the alphabet.
NO
Undeterred by rejection, I contacted Kevin Brown, husband of the pert, juicy, firm-figured Samantha Brown, host of her own travel series and more importantly, the cheerful spokesperson for Champion Storm Windows. He was at least kind enough to forward a picture of Samantha on another boring, food-borne-illness, cruise ship contemplating whether to fly to New York to join us at the trailer jam. Note the furrowed brow set atop her otherwise exquisitely sensuous frame, well, you can certainly empathize her indecision. 
Shortly thereafter she was photographed again, this time in yet another third world hovel, seeking the perfect chocolate chip cookie. That girl, how does she stay so slim, eating desserts & scarfing down all the locally popular intoxicants ? It must be those long evenings on the dance floor, late-night clubbing with the home-grown lotharios, while poor Kevin, software geek, has to stay home and watch the dog. 
He can be quite cranky, surely no student of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, and his e-mail ended in a threatening tone, something on the order of…..’ and I want you to stop stalking my wife, xxxhole’. That Kevin, he’s such a hoot; should have specialized in proctology.
Requests directed to popular news and travel organizations, i.e., National Geographic Traveler, New York Times Sunday Travel section, and the supermarket pulp grade tabloid, Trailer Life, met with similar rejections. Almost as if some mass media conspiracy exists for the sole purpose of not reporting on the Vintage Trailer Jam .
Fear not, bloggees ( at latest count, numbering in the low single digits, the actual number of time wasters reading this nonsense) you will be able to attend, albeit vicariously, through this column. If, for example, any of the common Dilbert phraseology is used at any time during the event, you will be the first to be alerted. This includes, but is not limited to, the following corporate buzzwords:
- timeline
- doable
- proactive
- walk the talk
- low hanging fruit
- sustainability
- crunch the numbers
- seamless
- ball park
- bottom feeder
- one on one
Like that brainless sit-com theme song, “I’ll be there for you…..”
Stay tuned, friends.
In the quest for journalistic authenticity, one should not overlook NPR, National Public Radio.
Their story, “Ukulele Madness – You Heard It First!â€, broadcasted on July 26, 2006, on All Things Considered, is a good indication that they may be interested in covering your event, especially in light of the weekend’s highlighted activity with geo-global interest, ukulele playing.
Hear their story here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5584525
Well, well Doc, you’ve slipped over the edge once again. I’m sure your anchors are asking themselves if they should let go of the safety rope or not ?
Kevin will likely be in the shadows with a poison blowgun waiting for you to make the wrong move on his woman, the ‘juicy, pert’ Samantha.
I would suggest you travel in the shadows yourself with your back to the wall so he won’t get a clear shot at you. There are those here in Patagoofie that want that pleasure.
Onward with caution,
The Least Reverend Brother Flash >>>>>>>>>>
Dear Mr Steves, Brown, and other associated media:
Having a sense of humor is a good thing. Just a thought.
Sincerely,
— RL
Since there seems to be little interest by anyone of credible, or not, credentials to cover the Eastern Extravaganza scheduled for Saratoga Springs, New York, we invite you to try the Liberal Left Coast instead of the Snooty East Coast. Around here Airstream owners, especially those who live full time in a forty year old unrestored Bambi, are welcomed as mainstays of the “affluent” component of our culture. If you can bring an old refrigerator and a washing machine (wringer type, preferably) and a few plastic flamingos to sit out in front of it, all the better.
I can guarantee excellent press coverage as you take over the parking lot of the local Whole Foods Market for a stay of three months onward. Y’all come!
Just wondering… Will there be any “vintage” attendees besides CNS? On a more serious note, I take every opportunity, time permitting, to communicate with my much older (and, did I mention, wealthy?) brother in hopes that he will leave me some of his treasure chest upon his demise.
Always thinking of you,
Dougie,
Blue Hair Vistas, Phase 14
Arizona USA