Jul 31 2010

Ultra-Van sighting, Lake Superior

At 75 cents, Marquette’s local paper, The Mining Journal, is a sixteen page bargain although 13 of them are devoted to advertising. Here’s what I learned; two very nice men, Heikkila and Rossway, both with impeccable credentials, are running for the County Board. Here is what they propose:

lower taxes
abolish crime
decrease spending
increase jobs
better highways
promote tourism
legalize lynch mobs
educate our brats
balance the budget

Regardless who wins, we are assured logical, informed, independent thinking will prevail.

The most interesting column, however, The Police Log, tells us that Tues. at 9:06 AM, on the corner of Crescent and Lakeshore, a driving complaint was reported from the previous day, presumed to be road rage.

Sigh.

Wakefield, WI, a 22′ high chief in need of botox requesting a urine sample from Jack

Our next stop. Bessemer, MI, to inspect a “restored” 1965 M-Benz 4dr sedan that had failed to sell on eBay. It was a total piece of cr@p, bondo in and out the w@zoo, & poorly finished in a gawdawful metallic diamond blue by a biker on meth. It would be worth his $3000 asking price if he left $2500 in cash, stuffed in the trunk, with his lab supplies.

4 cyl., 45 HP, bubbled chrome, and a tow bar

How it should look

“Hey, it runs”, sure, but I’ve wasted 15 minutes assaying a heap of iron oxide….next stop,

Ashland, WI, on the south shore of Lake Superior, ‘Gateway to the Apostle Islands’. The municipal park and campground, strategically located on a stunning stretch of beach, marina, and waterfront splendor of swans, is in the shadow of the famed Ashland Oardock.

40 foot high monument to the Industrial Revolution

Built from 1914-1916, it extends 1800 feet into Lake Superior, and was capable of loading large freighter ships faster than a Geico commercial.

The Kreher Park also had a celebrity trailer visitor, the famed Ultra-Van (Hutchinson, KS), featured on the Travel Channel’s hour long special of vintage RVs. Custom-crafted on a chevy corvair chassis, it stood out like a rock star amid karaoke wannabees. If you want to be noticed, this unit was the pheromone of the motorhome world…a steady stream of gawkers looking under your skirt. Sweet, it resembles the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile without the mustard and bun.

The irresistible smiley faceVoyeurs taking a pee and a peek“Now that’s a cute butt”

Back to that political race, I wouldn’t vote for either of those guys even if they did all the things they promised. However, if they could eliminate road rage……..

Oct 23 2009

The Airstream is a gas

A recent editorial blog entry described in vivid detail the return home, after months on the road, to discover cute, fuzzy members of the animal kingdom taking residence in a Tucson house and backyard. No doubt attempting to qualify for the first-time home buyer tax credit, or the all-you-can-eat D-Con buffet.

Our situation became the mirror opposite. The old trailer had sat in repose, behind a corn crib and shaded by a silver maple, stoically awaiting our return from four months of summer cabin life.

The initial entry into the Excella was a buzz; literally hundreds, perhaps thousands of yellow jackets welcomed me back, with gusto. Enduring three stings, above the left eye, now swollen shut, the next trip is not to the ER, not to the pharmacy for a fresh Epi-Pen, but to the local hardware store.

Josh, the owner’s son, extends a polite welcome, “yo, one eye, you looking for plumbers putty to stop those tears ?”.

“No, you little…(rhymes with twit), direct me to the Auschwitz for Airstream aisle.”

“Pronto, Tonto”, he replied.

An hour later, in beekeeper garb, I re-enter to set off two bombs of….drum roll….The Fumigator.

In 24 hours the crisis is over. I’ve got that macho Schwarzenegger swagger, somewhere between the governator and the terminator, as the toxic slime has rendered the foreign invaders deep-sixed or staggering like drunken sailors.

Now here’s a tip, a Phred Sez, or hint from Heloise; close your roof exhaust vent completely before departing on an extended leave. The yellow jackets had created a paper pulp nest, the size of a Little League catcher’s mitt, between the roof opening and the screen. It took less than an hour to hand vacuum and fill a bag with the deceased critters. Death to the invaders.

One week later it is time to winterize the unit and prepare the barn for winter trailer storage.

Since 1881, home to creatures great and small

All too familiar with raccoons, possums, and groundhogs as frequent guests, I discover we have new friends, the homeliest and unloved of mammals, frequent fliers, especially at night, yes, bats. Guano evidence everywhere.

Pipistrellus

They are really not too bad, as they devour their weight in mosquitoes and gnats. However, this results in many bat bowel movements, which are a mixture of both urine and excrement, and when dried, resemble dark brown wild rice. The bottom line is this, we must learn to live and die with nature.

And let’s dispense with the jive whining about a couple of mice and and a few furry prairie dogs. Get over it.

Tonight for dinner, Lynn announces, pork stir-fry on a bed of (eek !) rice pilaf.

Aug 04 2009

Dilemma in Aluminum

Vintage pain without its counterpart, suffering, has engulfed us in the last month. An elderly couple living nearby on our remote stretch of beach, both readers of Airstream Life, offered to sell us their vintage 1985, 30′ Avion because they were aware of my fascination for old aluminum. In 1990 they had purchased the unit from the original owner, a Sturgis, MI dentist, and used it routinely for nearly twenty years ownership.

They traveled frequently to winters in Florida and summers on the art show circuit (her, an accomplished artisan), but advancing age and two hip replacements for him prompted them to park it in 2004. At an embarrassingly low offered price, I agreed to a “mercy” purchase after the five year hibernation and the unseen problems sure to arise like earthworms in a bait can, rather than see it end up on the lot of an enterprising (translation: greedy) dealer.p>So what is the problem ?

That is it, there are none.

The trailer is absolutely original with the flocked mirrors, plush velour valances, removable sculpted deep pile carpet over linoleum flooring, mid-1980s matching upholstery, drapes and bedspreads (imagine the muted gaiety of a French whorehouse), all unmolested and in perfect condition. The bolster behind the sofa, a base for pillows during the open bed position, is still wrapped in the factory plastic covering.

No smoking, no pets, no grandchildren to booger the interior, no dents, no hail damage, no bruises, pure anodized aluminum pewterizing with age. The rich soft texture of the solid cherry cabinetry (not veneered) remains a virgin, never assaulted by an accessory crazed owner with a DeWalt power drill in his holster.

The first two weeks were spent evaluating every mechanical component, disassembling the interior/exterior where necessary, cleaning, making the few minor repairs when needed…..major fun.

Now for the hard part.

Blasphemy.

Side by side to an Airstream of comparable vintage, the Avion is clearly superior; build quality, cabinetry, insulation, and suspension. The superb quality downside, if there is one, results in a heavier unit. Now. before the loyalists unload their quivers and begin the assault on the messenger, please be aware that since 1998 we have owned a 1986, 34′ Excella, lived in it for seven winters and towed it coast-to-coast, US and Canada, for more than 30,000 miles, so I should be able to provide an objective evaluation.

The differences are subtle, not profound. Most of the mechanical components are identical or similar, i.e., Atwood water heater, Suburban gas furnace, Dometic refrigerator, Magic Chef range, Amana microwave, Everpure filter, Thetford crapper, Shurflo water pump, ZipDees all around, Delta single handle faucets.

The entry assist handle at the door is much more substantial on the A/S, but the Avion outer and screen doors are a better fit, more durable, much easier to lock and unlock. The A/S interior is brighter (more contemporary fabric design) and the larger window area allows more natural light. even without vista-view overheads. In contrast, the Hehr jalousie style windows in the Avion provide more air circulation and are much easier to operate with fewer skinned knuckles and “aw s#its”. Storage space is not equal; the Avion ‘basement cubbyholes’ and less severe airline style overhead bins make the A/S a clear loser by a landslide. Our Excella, however, does have the dinette which we find very useful, but at the same time, curtails the ‘pantry’ and aisle space.

With limited experience of < 100 miles, towing feels the same, weight is almost equal, and it will take me some time to evaluate the Avion’s Adjust-A-Ride independent suspension at each wheel with two split axles vs. the solid triple axle of the A/S. First impression: I like the former and I sense that there is less torque and stress to the coachwork and the interior components.

In the Avion, the exquisitely machine dovetailed drawers (solid poplar secondary wood) with the highest quality Accuride ball bearing slides, the overhead door double strut supports, all perform like they did when they left the Benton Harbor, MI, factory in October 1984. Despite an appropriate standard of care applied to our Airstream, the cabinets, the hardware, the build quality in general is inferior and in danger of loosening from the walls; doors and drawers must be bungeed for travel, eventually doomed for an inexorable slide toward GSM or Timeless Travel or Jackson Center for re-engineering.

Minor issues; porcelain sinks in the Avion trump the plastic and stainless steel of the A/S, the standard rectangular twin beds a nice plus vs. the A/S “three squares and a rainbow” shape bed with the chronically ill fitting sheets.

Avion features like the double medicine cabinet and nearly full size bathtub represent a + along with a 65 gallon freshwater reserve tank for extended boondocking. A looming Avion negative, the absence of a nightstand between the beds…where do you put your coffee in the morning, the Heineken at night, your latest read, your glasses, the K-Y Jelly ?

There is no moral to this story. I’m not comparing an apple to an orange. These are the same fruits…list price for the Avion when new, a princely sum indeed, $ 26,593, the Airstream at a whopping $32,109 { $53,307 vs $64,365 in 2009 dollars}; both GVWRs ~ 8550 lbs. Both top of the market in the mid-80s. The future is unclear, but if forced to choose one over the other….well, perhaps the readers can help me decide. We don’t need two trailers, a his and hers, unless my wife suggests we open a “Shady Dell North” on the Indiana farm.

There is no doubt that the Airstream brand is powerful, iconic, durable and has survived despite the volatile and cyclic history of the RV marketplace, whereas, Avion, like hundreds of other manufacturers, did not. This is not an excuse for the Avion demise, as I recall there were far fewer Duesenbergs built (<1200) than Yugos, and you can still buy a Yugo today.

Pause for a moment to reflect; what i
f the Airstream company had, like Avion, been engulfed in the tentacles of Fleetwood (now defunct and entering bankruptcy protection as of March, 2009) and the Avion brand had instead been secured by the better managed, cash-rich Thor Industries?

It might be that your next trip to the mailbox would be for the highly anticipated fall issue of Avion Life.

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