May 15 2017

Daisy II , the sequel

Subtitle : Black sedan, White knuckles, Crimson dawn, Brown………..

Pre-dawn, final day of reckoning, the pink aura of the civil sunrise suggests the ancient mariner adage, “red sky in the morning, sailor’s warning”. In a nearby industrial park, I await the arrival of the open air transporter assigned to deliver Daisy from Indiana to a San Diego container ship.

The driver, a no-nonsense, chain smoker on his 5th cup of robust Starbucks, refuses my offer to help load, ‘insurance regs, you understand, we’re not allowed to take chances with non-professionals‘. After providing oral instruction on the old Benz’ Hydrak © shifting, I’m dismissed, ‘no prob, bucko, I’ve been doing this for 40 years’.

It has begun to rain. After 20 minutes of failed attempts, Mr. Flying J, truck stop poster boy for 5 hour energy, decides I’m his new best friend. ‘Maybe you should do this, but back this puppy on, as I gotta drive it off and I can’t find reverse’.

‘Please ? ‘

Readers have encountered terrifying driving experiences, and for many, more mobile PTSD moments they might prefer to forget:

blizzard whiteout, dust storm, pea soup fog; take your pick
witnessing a head-on collision, collecting body parts off asphalt
hitting a deer after dark, at 60 mph, with the top down, after 4 beers
small plane landing on I-95 directly over your hood
doing a 180°, in traffic, on an icy road
driving in Rome

You may even have your own…..share if your pulse exceeds 140.

Mine is about to happen. Approaching death road, I’m doing the arithmetic and realize that maybe death row is a better option. All I’ve committed to do is drive a 50 y/o car, weighing 3000 lbs., up 100 feet, on two rusty 12 inch wide planks, zero guardrails, 10 feet above the earth’s surface, at 2 mph, in the rain….backward.

While Ice Road trucker stood by casually sucking on a Marlboro menthol.

Was the first attempt successful ? Yes.

Would I ever do it again ? Never.

None of the makers of men’s undergarments; Hanes®, Jockey®, Under Armor®, have the dark brown option…briefs or boxers, except Duluth Trading®.

Did I have any regrets in kissing Daisy goodbye one last time, a nice old girl who loved the road and might never be driven again ?

Who spoke to me, trunk open, as if to say, "let's rumble" — Who spoke to me, trunk open, as if to say, “let’s rumble”

Only one.

Karl Baisch, 4 pc with keys — Karl Baisch, Autokofferfabrik, Stuttgart, 4 pc with keys

Room to pack Immodium, Kaopectate, and Charmin tissue, I wish I had kept her plaid, wool-lined, luggage with the yellow silk ribbons.

©insightout2017

Feb 15 2017

“Pat, I’d like to solve”

Dateline: Tucson, AZ, 12Feb2017

Paqui Indian Reservation, Casino del Sol

February, dreary, overcast days, often stormy, is, by cosmic design, the shortest month. However, tucked between Valentine’s Day to the left and President’s Day to the right is the birthday of the most attractive national icon.

Dressed in a lemon chiffon gown, pacing 15′ of runway, nightly, between the evening news and unrealistic network fare, yes….it’s Scott Pelley.

Of course, only a rumor, but if you guessed Tiger Woods or Rosie O’Donnell, strike three, you have landed on ‘lose a turn’. Devout wheel watchers know that Feb. 18, 2017, is the 60th birthday of the beloved Vanna White.

With the remote click → ABC’s KGUN, Tucson, AZ, popular anchor and professional photographer, Guy Atchley, directs viewer attention to the Wheelmobile, the Casino Del Sol amphitheater, and your chance to become a contestant on America’s favorite game show. Why not ?

Sooo, several thousand hopefuls show up, vieing for the opportunity to ‘audition’ on stage, be interviewed, and participate in puzzle solving. Few, however, are chosen, as names are drawn from the golden drum, a lottery like device without ping-pong balls. Odds on being selected, ~ 1 in 50.

The atmosphere is electric. Hopefuls arrive, some in costume, carrying signs. Loudspeakers blast away the Isley Brothers, “Shout”, women dance on the stairs, the emcee works the crowd into revival tent frenzy. Gospel, rock, camera, lights, resort vacations, cruises, a chance to win one million $, oh the humanity.

By divine intervention, I am the 8th name drawn.

Entering stage right, 1st, sign the release statement, 2nd, pose for an official photo, 3rd, be seated and take instruction on behavior from the staff sargeant (Justin Timberlake look-a-like).

Justin, a Wheel employee, moves in on a KGUN staff member, no papparazzi, please.

If you’ve ever been arrested and booked, this is similar, however contestants are not allowed the one phone call. Seems fair enough, as there is no fingerprinting, polygraph, or urine sample required….let’s party.

The ‘faux’ Vanna is a lovely young woman, ⅓ the age of the real article, adept at printing letters, but may have partied last night.

Our team solves the puzzle, the prize wheel is spun, and five of us win the big surprise, a Wheel of Fortune exercise bag, containing;

baseball cap
tee shirt
key fob
lapel pin
bookmarks

Who is reading books…?…. this is delerium. Halleluia, Sister Vanna. Will any of us be selected to appear on the show ? Not so fast. A few, perhaps, but only if invited to the next level audition in a month. Pre-requisite vetting, background check, and signing a non-disclosure agreement may be on tap, all of which narrow this writer’s chance to zero.

Finally, when asked to pose with a two dimensional Vanna, a quick blast of desert air forces her to assault my hand in an inappropriate advance, a cardboard calamity. Under advice from legal counsel, I’ve been advised to sue for damages; emotional anguish, sexual battery.

120 volts of embarrassment.

Naturally, as a compassionate soul, the charges will be dismissed should I be selected to appear, live, on the Sony Pictures, Hollywood stage set.

Later, after sibling counseling and 0.5 mgm Xanax®, my brother and his wife prep the family pet, Foxy, to exhibit the day’s bounty. None of which will be seen on Animal Planet© or eBay©.

Foxy, a professional actor, received compensation for this appearance..

Will my bucket list be fulfilled…meeting Vanna in person ?

Will Sony be willing to settle amicably, out of court ?
Stay tuned……….

and Happy Six-Oh, Vanna

©insightout2017

Nov 13 2016

Chest Nuts roasting by an open fire

Snubtitle : The Clinton legend will live in perpetuity; a 20/20 vision for 2020.

The high price of access for NBC;

The Clintons’ only daughter came under fire when it was revealed that she earned a whopping $600,000 a year while working on NBC News’ Making A Difference between 2011 and 2014**. The salary was outstanding given that she was a new reporter with no prior experience. She eventually left the role after three years to focus on the Clinton Foundation, although she was on NBC retainer until the time of her mother’s presumptive ascent to the presidency in 2016. Conflict of interest, you understand.

Chelsea came under fire in September 2016 for using a private jet to travel 330 miles to a clean energy roundtable organized by her mom’s campaign. In fact, the aim of the roundtable was to discuss how to tackle climate change; Chelsea, criticized for using the jet, as her mother had promised a carbon-neutral campaign.

Chelsea’s husband Marc Mezvinsky came under fire in May 2016 for extinguishing $25 million of investors’ money, while he persuaded rich investors to take a risk on the Greek economy. Oops. Matters worse, some of those investors had contributed cash to either Bill or Hillary’s campaigns. Meeting the new in-laws can be awkward, but even more so when your father-in-law is a convicted felon. Indeed, Ed Mezvinsky went to jail for five years after committing fraud; Bill Clinton denied him a presidential pardon for his crimes. Kudos to Bill, crime fighter.

The scandal surrounding leaked emails involved daughter Chelsea. Wikileaks dug up 67 emails between Hillary and daughter, in which Chelsea used the alias of Diane Reynolds (who uses an alias to reach her mother). The missives included classified information on the 2012 Benghazi terror attack. Damn that Wiki.

Chelsea Clinton used the Clinton Global Initiative Foundation’s cash to pay for her wedding ($3mil for 400 guests), living expenses, and taxes on gifts of cash from her parents, according to an email made public Sunday, 30Oct2016. ⬇

Doug Band, formerly a top aide to President Bill Clinton, griped about the former first daughter’s spending in a Jan. 4, 2012, email released by WikiLeaks. “The investigation into her getting paid for campaigning, using foundation resources for her wedding and life for a decade, taxes on money from her parents…,” Band wrote to John Podesta, now Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman. “I hope that you will speak to her and end this. Once we go down this road…” Granted, pure speculation on behalf of this writer; however, define hubris.

The tacit implication, Mom could lose the election to the worst challenger in the history of the Republic. Trump. The man seems radically incoherent, almost nutty. What now? Sick of corruption, oligarchs, New York, California, candidates who sell state favors surrounded by serial rapists, goofy-looking pedophiles, hell, in Reaganspeak, let’s Win one for the Groper. Narcissism, grandiosity be damned, his existence, unmolested by humility.

Chelsea also benefits as a board director for Barry Diller’s InteractiveCorp (Nasdaq-IAC), web billionaire owner of Expedia.com, Match.com, et.al. Salary for Chelsea: $300,000. The board position also pays an annual retainer of $50,000 and a $250,000 grant of restricted stock. A small price to pay for this savvy young woman’s skill.

Though only graduated with a master’s degree in 2010, Chelsea started teaching graduate level classes two years later at Columbia University’s School of Public Health. Her exact salary is unknown. However, the average salary for a Columbia lecturer is $51,671.
She holds another academic post, salary unknown, as assistant vice provost for the Global Network University at New York University.

Chelsea’s personal fortune is estimated at $15 million, most earned as a consultant at McKinsey & Company and working for Avenue Capital Investment Group as a hedge fund manager. Chelsea, husband Marc, daughter Charlotte, and son Aidan, live in a 4957 sqft condo in Manhattan, overlooking Madison Square Park, with a full-time doorman at the ready. My guess, they are not looking to relocate soon. As their Nicaraguan nanny cursed, “no estoy moviendo a ningún jive Harlem, ni siquiera lo pienso muchacho blanco”

…roughly translated ” I ain’t (bleep) movin’ to Harlem”

Bari Lurie, formerly chief of staff at Tribeca Enterprises 2008-2011, working on growth strategies and managing the company’s signature partnership with Qatar, is now personal chief of staff for Chelsea since Aug. 2011. Even though the BHCCF is a ‘non-for-profit’, now renamed, The Bill, Hillary, & Chelsea Clinton Foundation, an NGO, ( highly professionalized and relying on paid staff), Ms. Lurie’s salary is not publicly available. Can’t we all assume that the foundation has, deep within the ventricles, a mission statement to do good throughout the world…that it couldn’t possibly be a masquerade ?

Having reached the minimum age requirement (35 y/o) on 27Feb2015 to become president, the former ‘first child’ is poised to enter the 2020 campaign, along side running mate, Michelle Robinson Obama, to return the White House to the oligarchy where it rightfully belongs. The 1st ♀♀ ticket, an historic breakthrough.

Chelsea is only 36 years old and has already accomplished so much. What a bright future lies ahead. She would have been this successful, probably more so, had she not been a Clinton. Imagine, like her mother, she’ll be working for US.

America, where any child can grow up to someday become president. If it were not for his death on 25Jun1999, you could confirm with Fred Trump.

Is this a fun country or what ? The Cubs are World Series Champions, at last, Holy Cow. And like the irritating, curly, redhead refrain reminds us, the sun will come up tomorrow.

Full disclosure: the author maintains a stock position in IAC

All the above have been fact ✓’d by snopes, urban legends, truth&friction, and my dog, Mrs. Wilson. Pleased to answer any inquiry, I work cheap, at ½ the hourly rate of Ms. Clinton for NBC.

– June 10, NBC Nightly News, on diabetes.**

– June 10, Today show, on a car accident in New Jersey.

– June 5, NBC Nightly News, General Motors safety scandal.

– June 4, Today show, missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

– June 4, NBC Nightly News, about people pointing lasers at aircraft.

– June 3, NBC Nightly News, food-borne illnesses.

– June 2, Interviewed the Geico gecko, an animated character who sells insurance.

All told, in her almost three-year tenure at NBC, Chelsea worked on all of 14 stories, to receive $1,800,000 in salary.
What a talent.

and Happy Six-Oh, Vanna

** – June 10, NBC Nightly News, on diabetes.

– June 10, NBC Nightly News, on diabetes.**